


Perfect Mess

by frozenCinders



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fake Dating, M/M, except wait! oh no! it's a real date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 18:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20840120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenCinders/pseuds/frozenCinders
Summary: During a normal outing on his own, Shalnark suddenly feels a hand on his arm and hears a voice so cheerful he almost doesn't recognize it."There you are! You certainly kept me waiting!"He turns slowly, beyond confused, and Chrollo quickly leans in to whisper an explanation in his ear; that he's being hunted and to just play along. To act like they're..."Sorry, I had trouble getting reservations anywhere, so I was kinda losing my nerve! I didn't want our first date to go wrong, after all!" he plays along, screaming inside all the while.





	Perfect Mess

Usually, when Shalnark smiles even in dire situations, it's actually not to mask how he truly feels. He really sees things as flippantly as he acts like he does, like everything in life is a casual affair with no real consequences. A game, if you will.

This time, though, Shalnark's smile is unsteady as it does a flimsy job of attempting to hide his panic. His life isn't at risk, by any means, but he does have his boss across from him at a table with an almost comically romantic view of an indoor water feature with rose petals floating delicately on the surface in a restaurant clearly meant for dates. Shalnark has never even been inside one of these-- hell, he didn't know until ten minutes ago that a place like this existed! But, for some reason, he's here pretending to be on a date with Chrollo.

He's hesitant to ask about the situation, because it must truly be precarious if Chrollo of all people feels the need to hide like this. If Shalnark can pick out the culprit, he can probably sneak an antenna into them and alleviate Chrollo's concerns. He's subtle as can be as he surveys the area, but it must look suspicious anyway, because Chrollo stops him by placing a hand over his on the table and getting his attention. Shalnark is so unfamiliar with this sort of panic that his free hand almost reaches for a needle to stick Chrollo with.

"Relax. You're doing fine," he assures, voice low but statement inconspicuous enough that it hardly matters if he's heard. "Is this your first time?"

Shalnark can usually respond to anything in a quick matter of seconds, but he feels like it's taking entire minutes to find his voice.

"Well, it's-- uh, it's my first time here, for sure. I'm a little out of my element, I guess! Don't worry, I'll get into the swing of things."

It's an empty promise-- he's just talking to talk. It gets a smile out of Chrollo, though, whether it's real or not, and Shalnark finds himself relaxing a little. Now that he's figured out how to talk, he should probably keep his momentum going.

"So, I'm really sorry to ask, but you were kind of vague before. I don't really mind, but... is there anyone else?" he asks, in obvious code.

"I didn't mean to worry you. No, there's no one else."

What? What does that mean? Did he manage to shake whoever was tailing him? Did he somehow not catch on to what Shalnark was really asking? If the former, why the hell are they doing this?

The hand over his own shifts to hold it properly and Shalnark's brain just stops.

"Don't you think it's fun to pretend from time to time?" Chrollo asks lowly, a sly little smile on his face.

A sigh escapes Shalnark, equal parts relief and exasperation. Then, he returns the smile.

"Jeez, you didn't have to get me all worked up. Just ask next time," he says, though it would admittedly be a difficult subject to breach.

Shalnark instinctively moves to pull his hand away when the waiter approaches, but Chrollo holds him in place. Desperate to have at least _some_ control over the situation, Shalnark speeds the drink ordering process along to send the waiter away. He then makes a show of wrenching his hand from Chrollo's grasp.

"Agh, I can't take it anymore! I wanna sit next to you!" Shalnark whines loudly before getting up and moving to Chrollo's side of the table, sliding into the booth beside him.

"This is unconventional," he comments, unfazed.

"Yeah, well, it was getting kind of intense," Shalnark says. He almost continues, but then he senses it. There's _definitely_ someone watching them, and Shalnark can feel that he moved directly into their line of sight. He finds himself feeling a little disappointed that Chrollo wasn't putting up a false pretense after all.

Now that they're right next to each other, all Chrollo has to do is bring a hand up to hold Shalnark's chin as he leans in close for it to not look suspicious.

"You sense it now too, right? But they're very good at hiding. Even I can't tell where they're coming from." He pulls away very slowly and the illusion of his touch lingers on Shalnark's skin even after his hand is gone. He's pretty sure he's getting a little flustered, so he might as well play to that.

"H-here?! You need to calm down, I thought we were gonna take it slow..!" he pretends to protest, looking around hastily to make sure nobody saw as if being seen wasn't the point.

"Well, you're the one who decided to get so close to me," Chrollo points out, and Shalnark is suddenly very conscious of their proximity. It feels intense. And... exciting.

"Not for reasons like that, pervert!"

It's difficult not to laugh at the shock on Chrollo's face, even as gentle a reaction as it is.

"I see. You should be more straightforward, then. Why don't you tell me everything you want me to do to you?"

Oh god, this must be revenge for the pretend-insult. Was Chrollo's voice always this... sensual? Shalnark can't think of any other word for it.

Luckily, the waiter returns with their drinks and even refrains from commenting on the fact that they're now both on the same side of the booth. Shalnark hasn't even bothered looking at the menu, which Chrollo of course picked up on, so he orders for both of them. Pork cutlets are fine, he guesses. Not fancy and strange like the honey glazed salmon Chrollo ordered for himself, so Shalnark appreciates the simple option.

Once the waiter is gone, Shalnark immediately tries to make an attempt to change the subject, but Chrollo cuts him off before he can even start.

"Now that that's out of the way... I'm waiting for your answer," he says. Shalnark has to remind himself that they're supposed to be pretending, that nothing is actually on the line here.

"Well... I can think of a few things, but they're not really anything I wanna do _here,_ you know? Like, we can't really cuddle up in bed and watch bad horror movies at a restaurant..."

That actually doesn't sound bad. How would Chrollo react? Is he prone to jumpscares? Does horror affect him at all? No, he's probably the type to overanalyze the plot and get confused by how unrealistic the characters are acting. For Shalnark, most productions are ruined for him because he's too hyper-aware of everything going on behind the scenes. When someone gets "beheaded" in a horror film, all Shalnark can think about is how many takes they must have shot to get the perfect head roll.

"Why should they be bad? Wouldn't you want to watch a good movie?"

"So we can laugh at them, obviously!"

Chrollo puts a hand up to his chin like he hadn't thought of that.

"... That sounds nice."

Shalnark can't tell if that was supposed to be in or out of character. If the latter, does it just seem like a good idea in general, or is this something he'd like to do with Shalnark..? Well, they're not _really_ dating, anyway, so there's no need to even think about it.

"And maybe we'll get bored halfway through and our hands will start wandering. You'd like that, wouldn't you, pervert?" Shalnark teases, just because it seemed to get a rise out of him last time. As deeply confusing as this situation is, Chrollo is somebody Shalnark never gets to play with, and he's quickly realizing that this is not an opportunity he wants to let slip by.

"Why is it "our" if you're going to pretend to be innocent?"

"Don't dodge the question!"

Chrollo takes a short moment to answer.

"I thought it went without saying. Of course I'd like that," he says with apparent ease. It makes Shalnark's heart start racing, even though all this is fake.

"Well, let's back up a little. Before we get home, I want us to go to an ice cream shop. I'm gonna get a sundae and I want you to spoonfeed it to me, okay?"

"It would be my pleasure."

He sure can take anything in stride, can't he? Shalnark will have to think of a way to surprise him again.

"After that, I want to go to the park. There are always lots of dogs there, so it's fun to visit. By the time we get home, we'll probably be hungry again, but I won't want to go back out. What kind of takeout do you like?"

"Anything's fine. Not seafood, preferably, if only for some variety."

"How about pizza? That's classic movie takeout!"

"Anything you want."

That line stops Shalnark, the smile falling from his face in light shock. He recovers quickly, remembering that none of what he's saying will actually happen.

"Though, I bet you won't be able to wait until the food arrives to start touching me, huh? I'll have to keep swatting your hands away just so I don't end up having to answer the door naked!"

As if to conform to the character Shalnark created for him, one of Chrollo's hands ends up on his side, inching down marginally by the minute as Shalnark speaks.

"Look, you're even doing it now!" he points out, grabbing Chrollo's hand and relocating it up onto his shoulder to make a point. "Looking at you, I doubt anyone would guess you're so impatient..."

"Really? If you're so used to patient partners, maybe that's how I managed to be your first date. Tell me, did the rest ever even ask you out?"

Oh great, now he has to invent a dating history for himself.

"Well, some of them tried. I usually told them to wait but then got bored of them before I felt like going out with them. So I guess that makes you pretty special, huh?" he adds with enthusiasm, slouching and leaning against Chrollo's arm so he can look up at him from his shoulder. It's always been strange to Shalnark that he ended up taller than Chrollo. Chrollo was always the tall kid back in Meteor City-- at least, to Shalnark he was.

Since Chrollo is busy stealing a taste of the raspberry lemonade Shalnark ordered, he continues.

"What about you? You say you're not with anyone now..." he pauses to leer at him as if he doesn't believe that at all, "but what about before? Mostly guys, mostly girls? A lot, not many?"

"Two women, five men. Not in that order. Things only got serious with one of them," he answers too easily. Well, of course Chrollo is a good liar. There's no reason to think he might be telling the truth. Shalnark wonders if the real numbers are higher or lower.

"So we're both not all that experienced..." Another lie, seeing as Shalnark has been on plenty of dates before; though, they were mostly fake as well, even if the other party never thought so. He almost always ends up with people twice his age who probably think he's half his age, so it's nice to be out with someone who's only 4 years older than him. Even if it's fake.

"What about in bed, though?" Shalnark goes on. "I bet you skip straight to it, huh?"

He doesn't push it with another insult, but it's the thought that counts. Chrollo sighs and leans his head back against the wall.

"All this just to ease your worries..? I'm not going to hurt you, Shal."

Maybe it's the use of his name that sends Shalnark's heart pounding. Maybe it's the way Chrollo is looking at him, that errant hand still stubbornly making its way down to Shalnark's waistband simply because he practically told it to. Shalnark decides not to stop him, just to see how far he'll go.

"I know that. You can't really blame me for being nervous, though. I mean... I've already bailed on you a couple times now. I bet you think you're waiting on something amazing, huh?"

The words come out on their own, lies just weaving themselves. What kills Shalnark is how Chrollo leans in again, closer than ever, his hand slipping under the waistband to touch Shalnark's bare hip as he says,

"I know what I want, and I know what I'm getting."

Shalnark swallows, wide-eyed, officially beaten at this game. He has to fight himself to keep remembering that none of this is _real,_ that Chrollo is just--

... Shalnark didn't notice until now, but that presence is gone. How long have they been alone? Chrollo's hand has stopped on his hip and Shalnark wishes it would keep going. He watches Chrollo steal from his drink again, his own untouched, and he brings the straw to his mouth as soon as it leaves Chrollo's. An indirect kiss is probably all he's getting out of this, he tells himself. It's enough to reboot his system, though, and he puts an elbow up on the table and supports his head with his hand as he pouts.

"Man, you really are just a pervert, aren't you?" he sighs, hoping it'll encourage him like it did before.

"Is that what you want me to be?" Chrollo asks, and Shalnark knows him well enough to pick up on the hint of amusement in his voice, but it still feels like a series question.

"What happens if I say yes?" he asks in a similar tone.

"Then the rest of today goes exactly like you said."

Neither of them pay any mind to the food being placed in front of them.

"Then I do."

And it does.


End file.
